life philosophy : We are all dying anyway.

btw, further to fish I am kind of obsess with philosophy of life.

Well, we are not living under a same roof. There are too many roofs. So lets make sky our roof. Sky is finite. However, between us there are walls. There are many walls and walls are fractal.
Life is happier if we can share the roof even walls are fractal. Sky is cloudy and gray. And it rains and rains and rains. Rain is a good thing I believe. but not when the sky is cloudy and gray. Clouds are fractal and winter does not feel like a winter. So, I am looking for flowers in flower shops.
Yah, and life is postponed. Life is epistemic. Ontology is nonsense and Buddhism is smart. Sometimes everything is makes more sense when they are Persian. Even only Tehran is really matter and nothing more. Also I sometimes envy American becuase of their adaptation, acceptance, and positive manners.
And liberate your mind. "Ideas are fractal". It has been while that I am graving to live in an island for at most three months and gain my living with other things not science. Let see when it will happen. I am not saying not doing science though.

He said she is sexy.
I replied cleavage is sexy not she.

Vacation is over, main goal is no more barking.
but it is again start of the same faces, same voices, same coffee, same gestures, same coffee break hours, same people, same coffee line, same smells, same paths, same pastry, at least the prices are varied sometimes.
I think of a stabilizing selection and I feel like a shark.
I look at all the sick things around, sick talk, sick walk, sick gestures, sick start, sick smile, sick end. I ate a cheep chocolate moose and feel sick.

With all of my respect to drug dealers from all over the world,
with my deepest sorrow for all the misused words and vulgar concepts,
I sigh for bullshit philosophy, it is in a top three list of misused word and vulgar concepts.

With my mocking smile to all of ridiculous philosophers, journalists, social scientists whatever loathsome eloquent people who try to do the act of cool,
I mumble they are none.

The word intellectuality rebelled. So stop kicking out a striping intellectual from the dance floor.

We should all deprived of the word independent!
Pitiable word in the list. Poor word is an adjective. so all kind of art words tangles to it. intellectual smuggler likes it a lot.

I silenced the word freedom and I try to figure that out how many times a day I use the word retarded.

A Brazilian guy said if he was a girl, he would be a bitch. Yah, he said he would be a bitch for sure. He suddenly sigh with a contemplative eye and said but, he could not do anything if he did not have a dick. He was dramatizing the disaster of not having a dick by some sort of loud thought talking. So, other dudes try to calm him down by showing him other options. But, he kept repeating he could not do anything if he did not have a dick. Finally a Turkish guy started to explain him that he did not need to have a dick if he was a girl since he could get as much as dick he wanted!

An old bold short guy was smoking his pipe, passed me in train station.
Ugly french guy kept talking gibberish to me in Portuguese. Well, he is not ugly. He is actually kind of handsome. I used ugly just for the rhyme and readers' excitement. Yeah, the ugly french guy even say goodbye to me in Portuguese. This part was not gibberish I know how to say goodbye in Portuguese. So, I replied him "have a good night" and he looked super confused at door and left!

I used to eat three or two meals every day. But, I changed. So, first, I ate once a day. Now, I just eat one day of a week. Then, I will eat one week for a month. Next, I will eat one month for a whole year. And then I will become a camel.

Well, I am gonna write about how I feel when all of the sudden, a random person in the social network of strangers who is connected to me by a coffee relationship , asks me "what movies do you like?"
First, I endure the silence brought by the question. It seems everyone eagerly stops talking to hear my answer. I feel the bear of my silence too. So I take a sip of my coffee, while I say to myself why "in hell it should be important to this people what movie do I like?" We are not ever going to watch the movies together for sure. Well, I am not privacy freak, I do not mind showing my medical records to everyone. Then, all sort of answer come to mind, "should I give them the genre? should I give them the name of the directors? should I give them some names?"
Finally, I put a saucer over my cup and tell them I watch all sort of movies. There are some I prefer more though.

It is Thursday afternoon. I am still on my Monday make up. It is strange to see how it vanishes. I actually like it better when it reaches the end of the week.
It itself erases in a beautiful way. There are many things that they never erase. They may be forgotten but they are still there.
Recently, I am reading about memory cells in our immune system. There is death rate for them. But, I still do not know how it really works. there are many theories and hypothesis. There are many mice bread every day to help the science progress. But we are not changing the world here. We are just playing around. The fact of being scientist as profession bothers me sometimes. We are not changing the world here. We are not necessarily making it a better place. Maybe some of us do. But, for many of us it is just something that we enjoy doing it. It is just something that satisfies our ego. Sadly, for some of us it is a "path of least resistance".
Anyway, I am still my Monday make up and amazed by how nicely it erases. I wish other things can erase themselves. I wish I can erase things. It is hard or impossible to get over many things when they are still there. likewise, it is hard to be disconnected. It is harder to not to know the things that you do not want to know.

For the records :
I found my first gray hair on Nov 6
I went to Estoril to buy a ticket on Nov 13 to watch "Un prophete" on Nov 15.
I found out "Un prophete" showod on Nov 14 very late night on Nov 14.
I found out my Portuguese visa is a piece of crap on Nov 15.

I watched some of the documentary in Lisbon documentary festival. My impression is that the most parts of the world is kind of fucked up. I am still surprised about Russia situation. It means that I should read more because fucked up situation in Russia should not be surprising. Chinese documentary was incredible too. It sounds funny but their level dictatorship is really advance. Also people looks more determined and stronger than our nation. Our governments are learning I guess but not our nation.
Anyway this thing makes me feel that having underground music or covering the hair in the public are not even really big deal. I sometimes think that we know something is wrong, but we sadly forget what is really wrong.
Well another funny statement, at least we can chew gum in public and nobody is going to blood test us when we are coming back to our country to see if we used drug or not. (In Singapore they do)

چشمانم را می بندم
تصاویر می لرزند

به دلتنگی عادت کرده ام
به قطره اشک جمع شده در گوشه چشم
این بار هم می دانم
دلم برای که تنگ شده است
سلام که می کنی
دلم برای خداحافظی تنگ می شود
خواسته ام
بودن توست
دلم برای خواستن تنگ شده است
محو می شوی
هم چهره و هم آوایت

بودنم اوج دیگر خواهی ست

زندگی بی رنگ است
بی رنگ

I am too much Persian so I do not need  "made in Iran" tag  on me.

But, these people just think I am Italian when first they see me and think I am Israeli when they  hear me!

Universe with its all complexity has more important things to do. It does not even bother itself to know our existence as a humankind. we are just a limited value that is disappeared in its infinity.

we, humankind, have nothing worth mention to do. So we started to get are self busy discovering the universe. we have million approaches for that. we keep trying to answer the question "what is life?". we have not done defining a life yet, we move forward and start defining artificial life.
we keep evolving and trying to survive.
I just wonder is there an end point for evolution?

There is a couple of people that I wish to be impolite enough to  answer them like. 

Que:How are you doing? or Are you fine? 

Ans: Does it really matter?

btw, i know i am more than enough impolite but not in every context !

getting ready to go fishing is much more exciting than fishing.
actually I should say fishing is boring! (as boring as playing golf!)
I should also mention that Americans are the best people in the world, they just have terrible taste in movies.

I am sitting here, outside,

sky has its nice clouds today, 

puppy likes me,

I like the puppy too,

but,  inside just smell like the dog's saliva,

so, I am sitting outside,

here it just smells like ashes and cigar, 

maybe my nose is so sensitive, 

well the door is open, 

the puppy is out!

You bustard, taught me how to cry,
Can you hear it?
Why do not you listen to it?

You bustard, sprinkle blood over me,
I was in my mint colored custom,
It is black now,
Can you see it?
Why do not you look at it?


You bastard, brought your bloody violence to the street that I always love,
I was prepared to celebrate the victory of hope,
Now, I am hearing the hope still silently marches on the street that you never own,
Now, I am looking at you beating the hope that never defeats.
Now, I am looking at you trying to kill the hope that never dies.
You bastard, remember the time that I ask:
Why cannot you see the tears?
Why cannot you hear the groan?

Like the sad moments of denying happiness
Experiencing dead momentary in void space of dust
Drinking wine is a waste of time
I am asking those musical images: Does such a thing exist that is called happiness?
They remind me “And happy is the flirting that you begin"

Spinning and flying
Higher and higher
To a place where the rainbow flowers grow
Spinning and spinging
I always carry my whisky in a transparent bag
Flying and flying
Can you hold my wings?

It was so dark in the corner of that alley
We started with apple
I smelt the rainbow flower
Music cursed us
The Apple had gone
We got lost in noise
That was rainbow color light that blessed the island of lost people
We were spinning and flying
Higher and higher
To the end
To the start

و نگاه تو را

در لابه لای خطوط

جست و جو می کنم
به کلمات خیره می شوم

کلمات بر من چشم

می بندم

خستگی هایم را ورق می زنم
در روزگاری
که خستگی
نوشته نمی شود
در هیچ دفتری

The Song of the Barren Orange Tree

"Woodcutter.
Cut my shadow from me.
Free me from the torment
of being without fruit.

Why was I born among mirrors?
Day goes round and round me.
The night copies me
in all its stars.

I want to live without my reflection.
And then let me dream
that ants and thistledown
are my leaves and my parrots."

I like Indiana weather, It can always surprised you.
It teach you to be ready for unexpected. You cannot even trust the weather forecast. You should be always ready for -20, wind and storm, 20 in a day after icy night, rain and every things.
I have just missed the snow and white.
but, I learn to be ready for unexpected.
I learn not to trust even when I see things with my own eyes. (this is not true)
I have been studying trust for two years, so, when ever I used trust as general term in a statement, you can be sure that statement is false.

I do not know why I am not interested in many things that others are interested.
something's wrong with me.
I do not know why I am most of the time argue about everything.
something's wrong with me.
I do not know why I criticize everything very frankly.
I am screwed.
I do not know why some peoples bother me,
people,
people,
people.
people with their words, their manner, their activities.
something's wrong with me.
words bothers me the most. words and phrases, and whole nonsensical semantics of language.
I need to learn a new language.

When I am walking, I am blogging.